I usually don’t talk about how stuck I feel. I prefer to be seen as someone proactive and optimistic.
And most of the times I am all those things.
Except when I’m not. I am desperate to find my calling and I feel stuck a lot. And as I don’t want to admit this to myself, let alone others, I’d rather say something like “yeah… I don’t quit know yet, but I’ll figure it out. It’s pretty exciting.” when I actually mean “I have no clue what I am doing and that’s so scary I couldn’t sleep all night.”
It’s hard to admit this, because I have to climb over a wall of shame to talk about this. Being honest and vulnerable doesn’t exactly feel good or natural to me, I feel stupid and whiny. By now I should probably know better, I am still amazed when someone tells me “I feel the same” — which happens a lot. It’s easy to forget that I am not alone (that’s why I am writing it down now) and it makes it a lot less scary. If so many people I love and admire feel or felt stuck as well, it can’t be the end. It’s the beginning. A chance to contemplate and reorientate.
At least now I know what’s not for me. A learning, growth, one step closer to my goals. Having a goal or a dream, even it’s vague or seems unrealistic, helps a lot. If it’s not serving my vision, there is no point in continuing it. It might feel like failure now, but who knows what it’s for?
Let go and move on, step by step.
